If cats don’t normally sit on your lap and you are okay with cheating, buy a heated blanket

This is the absolute perfect community for this picture.

I mean, why does the chicken want in??

This represents my entire life 🙃

Protip: don’t rely solely on the timer. Pull a noodle out to sample a little bit early to find the right texture, if you do it that way you get perfect al dente every time.

You know what this means guys, more Californians moving up here and making everything even more unaffordable 😡

This was my first thought too.

There are basic things about ourselves that we have no firm grasp of, like what is consciousness or why Tylenol relieves pain, so it strikes as hubris to claim such a technology cannot exist because it’s impossible on today’s computers.

Every damn morning

Holy shit guys, my job handed me a card to sign today for a coworker that’s been out unexpectedly for a few days. They told me that their husband had a heart attack and to please sign.

I instantly internally panic, because wtf do you write in a card like that and why are you asking me who doesn’t really know this coworker? I’m pretty sure that’s some kind of HIPAA violation too? Or at least wildly disrespectful to go around and tell the whole business your husband almost died (or did, I didn’t ask)

So I googled what to write because I didn’t feel like navigating through that minefield on my own of saying something that people would probably take the wrong way.

I’ve got enough in there to buy a used car, which I guess is my retirement residence at this point 🤷‍♀️

And all of our retirement accounts are tied to this not-a-bubble

2

A mixture of dazed, overwhelmed and exasperated

Only against woodpeckers

Those fuckers need to stay off my roof

I’ve never seen a non black crow before

Is no one gonna mention that this guys Christmas tree is already up and it’s not even Halloween yet?

This is me at work… open floor plan desks are exhausting, more than the physical labor I inadvertently do for like half the day. I actually prefer the physical moving around bit; I don’t have to pretend and fail anyway to keep the social mask on just in case someone says something to me.

I get in trouble a lot for wearing my earbuds and not hearing someone trying to get my attention. So now I just wear them so people assume I can’t hear them and only respond to the people I have to.

I did this once

The feeling of sweaty aka slippery butt cheeks in summer while walking to class and worst of all climbing stairs was too much. And let’s not forget that farts have a to physically separate your cheeks to escape. Too much weird feeling.

Never again

Now I let my butthole grow some hair but keep it trimmed low because I’m not a heathen

Hey man if you don’t invest in some heal amp to be considerate to your healer then don’t be surprised when I let you die, res you, then repeat ad nauseam for my own amusement.

The bubble bursts when one of them can’t make their monthly payment.

It’s the dot com bubble all over again

Makes me think I should sell all my retirement stocks and stick it in bonds until the bottom falls out from under Nvidia

Batman did her dirty , she’s just an environmentalist

I was the dumb kid in school so why did I still end up with anxiety?🤷‍♀️